i am going for guzheng concert today! JIAYOU GUZHENG-ERS! haha.

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bahhh.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEORGINA!

MEILING:i think you very lame leh. got tape up the quadrangle FOR WHAT. -.- waste of scotch tape la. and rmb to reply my letter!
HILARY:HELLO! XD
RACHEL: you loser la. go quack quack. haha.
GI:cant you go and download the song -.- dont use this as an excuse for coming. heh. and i got talent in wrapping presents hor. ((:
LAIWENG: haha. you very lame. and i dont understand -.- i am slow.
JEM: i love you too~ <3

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feeling better. after crying . after thinking. thank you bel bel. thank you meiling. thank you jem. thank you iris. thank you peilih. thank you georgi. thank you melwee. thank you charis.

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so tired. so tired. ate panadol. hope i can make it tmr. good night.

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oh ya and hor melwee, when i say i love you i mean it ok. you are more impt than anything else in the world! ahahahahahahaha. that sound so wrong. haha.

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i feel bad. why am i always the cause of trouble. why do i always make people worried about me. wahhh. stupid chenyi. stupid me. i hate myself. sorry melwee. sorry meiling. i dont know what i am doing. i am just a idiot. why must i cause so much trouble. hmm. thank you georgi. i love you. i understand what you are trying to say. but its not easy to free youself from a burden. i am damn bad. make melwee late for training. make meiling late for movie. got so worried about something that they are worried about me. then they end up having to call me. waste their money time and efford. and they are very tired. i know you care. i know everyone cares. i care too. i care alot. sometimes so much that i overreact. melwee, dont be pissed. next time i wont be so so irritating. i am so overreacting over everything. omg. i think people will get worried about me about this post. please dont ok. i know you care. but if you get very worried, i will just feel guilty again. i am ok la. really. georgi so enlightening! haha. thank you gi! thank you melwee! thank you meiling! sorry i shouldnt have cried. guess i was just too worried le ba. dont mind me! i am alright now! sorry for everything and thank you! i love you~

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omg. i am totally in a state of shock. MELWEE are you ok? very scary leh. suddenly you like that. waaaaaaaaaaaah. dun be like that. i duno what to do or what to say to you leh. omg. hope you are alright. must be alright! cannot be like that. jiayou melwee. haha.

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i want to walk into your life. but it seem so impossible. you are so far away. just so far away. i love you. but you just dont understand. what should i do. what can i do. i am so tired of everything.

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feeling very high suddenly thanks to georgi and melwee. must say sth impt! MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!MELWEE IS CUTE!
woot. abit long la. but ohwell. MELWEE IS CUTE! and thats why i love her. haha.

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went out with meiling and melwee today! damn happy la. very fun to go out with them. cos we damn funny and noisy! watch the movie HAPPILY NEVER AFTER. dont think its very nice leh. den i keep fan-ing meiling cos she in the middle den i cant reach melwee. haha sorry meiling. and alot of things happened la. can read meiling's blog for future reference! haha. oh man i miss them alot. when i saw melwee at first i almost cried. i waited under her block for 20mins la. den i really miss her alot. i wasnt pissed at her for being slow. melwee sorry that when i saw you i looked pissed and dun want to talk to you. i didnt look at you even. its not cause i pissed la. but i look at you i wanted to cry. almost cried on the road la. so i walk fast fast and avoid you abit. cos i really really got miss you alot leh. very emo when i saw you. somemore wait there for 20 mins expecting to see you. haha. shant talk about this la. sorry melwee. hope you are not affected. and hor that kelly dont want to come! why she so lazy! i want to see her. i miss her alot oso. haha. i am like les like dat. i am not hor. i am STRAIGHT. only that i miss my frens alot. meiling i miss you oso. why you took so long to find us. haha. i am damn high and damn emo today. abit extreme leh. sorry meiling and melwee. at northpoint there i abit stone cos i was thinking about things la. den abit sad. haha. and melwee arh. i hope you dont mind my crap on the bus home. duno why i suddenly said so much. if you dont want to listen must tell me hor. i talked abit too much. but melwee you know right, i only talk alot to you lor. alot of ppl always tell me that got anything must tell them and stuff but i dont know why i dont tell them. not like i dont trust them or sth. but i always talk alot when i am with melwee. i talk alot to her. i just think that she is someone i like to talk to about my emotions. i am so open with her. haha. oh ya i must say sth. I SLEEP WITH MELWEE. WE SLEEP TGT DE. same house same room same bed same pillow! hahahaha. sounds very wrong. hahaha. nvm. its late!(not really). but i want to sleep le. byebye!
i love melwee! i love kelly! i love meiling! haha. miss them alot ((:

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send 155 msg in one day. in less than 10 mins. just for the sake of 306 class gathering. but its worth it.

-good night.

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oh ya. I LOVE IRIS. YES I DO! AND THE REST OF 306! ESP MELWEE CHARIS GEORGI MEILING JENZI CHENGXIN KELLY JEM AND OTHERS AS WELL. AND I LOVE MARCO POLO. ESP XINYI ZONGBIN CHERYL ZIHHUI AH GONG(HUI QING) AND MY SIS(NICOLEA)! chenyi now has given all her love to people. she is left with a empty heart. will you fill it up?

-depressed.

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oh my god. i just sms-ed the whole of 306 about kboxing thing. and the sms was 5 pages long.

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omg. suddenly i wanted to post. i want to post it here. i want to say:
I MISS MELWEE ALOT. I MISS KELLY ALOT TOO. AND I MISS MEILING ALOT ALSO. I WANT TO SEE YOU GUYS. BUT AT THIS HOUR, ITS KIND OF WEIRD.
I LOVE MELWEE! I LOVE KELLY! I LOVE MEILING! WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE ALL OF YOU?
i feel weird for saying all this. sounds wrong oso. but i cant help it.

smile and your day will be great.

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cried. for half an hour. thank you meiling. i totally love you. seeing what you said made me think. think of alot alot alot of people and things. all the people who cared who loved me. all the people who were there. thank you everyone. i know cutting myself wont help. coz i see the scars now. but i cant help crying. i cant control. sorry. sorry to have make you all worried. i love you. yes i really do. with all my heart.

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back from obs. feeling wrong. lets just say a fews words about obs.
OUTWARD BOUND SINGAPORE
-MARCO POLO
-CAMP 2
-INSTRUCTOR SOBIRIN
-KAYAKING
-CAPSIZED
-JELLYFISHES
-TRACKING
-HIGH ELEMENTS
-BELAYING
-JETTY JUMP
-TRUST FALL
-RAFT
-PITCHED TENTS

AFTER OBS
-WOUNDED
-BRUISED
-SCARRED
-MUSCLE ACHE
-TIRED
-CRIED
-EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE
BUT
-MISS OBS
-MISS PULAU UBIN
-MISS MARCO POLO!
-MISS CAMP 2
-MISS THE STORE
-MISS STEVEN~!
-MISS MELWEE!
-MISS KELLY!
-MISS GEORGI!
-MISS ZONGBIN THEZOMBIE!
-MISS BLUEBLUE XINYI!
-MISS CHERYL AHMA!
-MISS ZIH HUI THECUTEGIRL!
-MISS INSTRUCTOR SOBIRIN
-MISS EVERY ACTIVITY

I LOVE MARCO POLO! I LOVE OBS! I LOVE JUNKO OUR BUDDY!

was happy at obs. somehow coming back returned all my emotions here back to me. i lost my soul again. lost it on my way home. my emotions are wrong. i am so sorry.

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tmr is obs. one week(ok five days). den cannot blog. cannot go msn. cannot watch hana kimi. cannot see nan xue zhang + wuzun. cannot even sit comfortably at home or anywhere. hope i can sleep well. i doubt i will eat though. i do hope charis is alright. why her body(cells!) so naughty. go and become sick right before obs.
i still haven talk to anyone about my problems these few days. i duno who to talk to. i duno how to begin, how to end. i dont noe what i really want to say. i just dont feel right. my mum was wrapping present today. she told me to take pen knife for her. she din noe i shld be the last person she find to take pen knife for her. i held the pen knife and wanted to do something. i wanted so much to cry. i stared at it. stared. i thought of what i did. i thought of charis. i thought of so many people. yes i know i shldnt do this. shldnt do this to myself. but i cant control. i am tired. tired of myself. i am sorry my friends. i am sorry.
i shall be back after obs. hopefully i find my soul there and not lose it anymore.

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sometimes i just need you to know. i love you.
smile. chenyi is here. dont worry about anything more. (:

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i guess melwee is pissed at me or sth. she is daoing me and somemore i talk to her den she dc. waaah. i noe i am stupid and does the wrong things. i am so sorry for everything i done to everyone. i just cant seem to do things the right way. i noe i am very reliant on you melwee. but i really need someone. someone who i noe i love and who i can tell everything to. and there are not many someones in this world u noe. i really do need someone. people like jaime people like melwee people like charis are so precious to me. maybe they dont understand. but i am very reliant on frens when i am sad. i just need someone.
SOMEONE.

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i guess i looked like i was better in class today. some how looks like i was back to the usual me. bit still poeple cant see through me. they dont see my heart. yes they dont. i felt terrible today. i was sleepy AND in a bad mood. den during maths i brought my maths notes finally. so mr tan was happy and MOLESTED my hair and said "guaii guaii". so freaky. i had goosebums on my neck for very long. den ih test today was OK. though i dont think i will do well. but at least i was kind of talking sense. before i went home today i went wif hsin fang to find the chinese teacher. den jenzi came. she looked sad so i was like " jenzi, are you ok?" den she started crying. it was all my fault. i noe. its my fault. i am so sorry jenzi. so sorry. i am just so stupid. i love you jenzi. i noe its my fault. please dun be unhappy. smile. for everyone's sake smile. i feel so bad. alot of things are happening around me. alot of people are around me. like melwee like charis like hsin fang like jaime. i noe. but all the things around me seems to happen because of me. its all my fault. i am so sorry to everyone. i love all of you. hope you all will be happy. and melwee. i didnt mean to be so bad to you. i promise i wont make you angry anymore. coz now i feel very guilty. hope you are alright. hope you wont be so angry at me. sorry. and charis. thank you so much for your note. even though its just a note but i noe u cared. thank you. i am glad to see you all happy again. i look forward to obs wif you. my hand is so pain. i cant even type properly. dun even bother to look at my left hand tmr. its atrocious. its horrible. i shall not talk about it la. melwee u dont seem very happy u noe. hope you are alright. so pain. dun want type le. byebye.

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